Expectations

Yesterday I was faced with a shocking situation, to keep it short(and to not name names) the overall scenario is that someone who will be in my life for a long time, is not accepting who I am. They have expectations, or a point of view of how I should be- and I am just not that person. They are maybe subconsciously comparing me to other people who used to be where I am today.

The old me would have immediately began to obsess about ways to change and google ways to please people(I looked at only one site this time). The old me would have run away, cried done EVERYTHING to prove myself to this person without giving a single thought the to other option- which is to stay the way I am.

However this time I didn't break into tears, sure I weeped a little. I mean most people would, a lot of people cannot cope with comments, and I am not talking about constructive criticism- I am talking about stone cold criticism which becomes an attack on the soul of a person. I went out, had a good night patched up with someone who I had to learn from months ago and now it seems as though the universe is leaving this lesson to me. I don't fully know the full plan of this lesson but I am beginning to unravel what it is I am supposed to learn, all I know for sure is that it is huge and it will consist of more than one lesson.

The first half of the lessons I need to learn will come from self-love, I believe it is my duty to now put what I express in my blogs and what I say to other people who are insecure and use it on myself. I have always immensely battled with helping myself and not taking my own advice, but now I am treating myself as a close friend with this sad situation looking for a light. I will be my own light, with the support of my true love. The second part of the lesson is to stand up for who I am. I am determined not to fall back into the books of the old me who changed for everyone and still didn't respected. I remember saying to my partner once that "after changing and evolving for people who wouldn't matter ten years from now, I realised it was a waste and I wasn't even living my life, I was just a puppet in theirs and I learnt that not everyone is going to like you, and you aren't going to like others always but what everyone should do is hold no expectations of people and find something good in them and hold onto that" and he replied with a quote I still look at to this day(this conversation was on MSN)- "I think if you believe in yourself, you don't need to believe in any other expectations. Self-love is not vanity it is healthy like laughter and love and it is vital in order to live a life of happiness and love".

So here I am, about to embark on something that will be more confrontational than changing for other people, I will not fall silent and let them mould me into their vision of me that will change as soon as it is formed into another thing that is extreme and not at all me.

I have had a life of struggle and with that has brought many insecurities and problems like anxiety and anorexia. We are always expected to be something more or less that what we are, the world begs us to be happy with who we are but majority of people only want you to be happy when you are the person THEY want you to be. If anyone is going through the same mental battle as me in which you are deciding whether to be you or change please leave a comment and we can both overcome this together. If you become someone else, you would have wasted all the potential and beauty of who you really are. Remember masks eventually break so don't try and hide who you are.

Embrace you.

Throughout the week I will be researching on self acceptance and self love and I will leave links. I will probably have to face the person this week so I will let you know how that goes. This is all just another lesson on the road of life. I will keep you updated.